A Horse is a PITA of Course
Well, I can cross off another thing on my "to do before I die" list. I went snowboarding with my hubby this week and actually did pretty good and even learned the technique of stopping myself with my butt. It's one the pros won't even attempt (bunch of wusses). Especially on ice and slush. I have the war wounds to prove it and I'm finally able to sit without a cushion. :)
I've been putting off my revisions. I'm just stuck. Stuck on revising the first chapter. Stuck on how much work it's going to take.
I was listening to these self-help CDs (Self-Discipline and Emotional Control) with my husband. For something that was supposed to teach you how to be calm, the author was somewhat spastic in his teaching methods. However, what I did get out of it was how everyone has a horse (a stubborn part) which is adverse to change and in avoiding change will make you feel uncomfortable about anything new and even lie to you to make you stay on the well-worn path he's used to. We're supposed to take the reigns of the horse and force it off the beaten path and into submission. We're supposed to take control of our emotions and not let them lead us down the wrong trail.
But it's not as easy as it sounds.
The one and only time I went horseback riding, my horse walked over to the corner of the fenced area and stood staring at a barrel of water at the other side. No matter how hard I tugged on the reins or tapped my heels into her side, she wouldn't take her eyes off of the water which was just out of reach on the other side of the fence.
I can feel that with all my stories. Every time I get a rejection and every time I am criticized, I hear the horse telling me that I'm a failure, that I am not good enough and that I will never be good enough, and that I will never live my dream of becoming a writer. I can physically feel myself being held back and unable to move.
And that is where I am now—immobile and hoping someone will move the barrel of water closer to me.
I've been putting off my revisions. I'm just stuck. Stuck on revising the first chapter. Stuck on how much work it's going to take.
I was listening to these self-help CDs (Self-Discipline and Emotional Control) with my husband. For something that was supposed to teach you how to be calm, the author was somewhat spastic in his teaching methods. However, what I did get out of it was how everyone has a horse (a stubborn part) which is adverse to change and in avoiding change will make you feel uncomfortable about anything new and even lie to you to make you stay on the well-worn path he's used to. We're supposed to take the reigns of the horse and force it off the beaten path and into submission. We're supposed to take control of our emotions and not let them lead us down the wrong trail.
But it's not as easy as it sounds.
The one and only time I went horseback riding, my horse walked over to the corner of the fenced area and stood staring at a barrel of water at the other side. No matter how hard I tugged on the reins or tapped my heels into her side, she wouldn't take her eyes off of the water which was just out of reach on the other side of the fence.
I can feel that with all my stories. Every time I get a rejection and every time I am criticized, I hear the horse telling me that I'm a failure, that I am not good enough and that I will never be good enough, and that I will never live my dream of becoming a writer. I can physically feel myself being held back and unable to move.
And that is where I am now—immobile and hoping someone will move the barrel of water closer to me.
posted by J.T. Bock at 8:38 PM
8 Comments:
Ok, 1) poor horse was THIRSTY
2) Just do it ;)
And three...we have to have lunch, or drinks or something.....arrrrhg.
:)
"and that I will never live my dream of becoming a writer"
I hate to tell you this, hon, but you're a writer. You're beyond "becoming". ;-)
Rejection sucks. Every writer has felt the pain. But between rejections and CPs, I've learned to use what I can and can what I can't. That's the only way I know how to feel in control of anything.
Writing is just like your snowboarding trip. Despite busting your ass a couple of times, you got back up and tried again. Rejections and CP partners can bust our asses, but we keep writing anyway, painful revisions or not. We do it until we can get it right.
So, go ahead and soothe your writer's "cushion" with some chocolate, beer, or both. After all, you're entitled. But I expect to see you back on the board again. Maybe tackling that black diamond slope called First Chapter Revisions. ;-)
Stopping with your butt, huh?
That's how I ice skate. Wonder if I got my sports mixed up?
I agree with Marcia (hi Marcia!) You are a writer.
Being unpubbed doesn't change the fact that there are stories on your computer -- finished ones. And stories in your head -- driving you crazy as they try to crawl out onto the computer keyboard.
Hey, it could be worse. You could be a superhero with a really silly outfit that showed off all those new bruises. :)
Writers have it better. We're supposed to stare into space, talk to ourselves, and drink a lot.
Stacia—
Nah ... I think the horse just wanted to irritate me. Apparently, horses can be like that ... maybe PMS-ing or something. :P
Yeah, I'm doing it. I've had my little "poor me" fest and am ready to tackle the hell out of it.
Drinks are always welcomed in my belly, especially when enjoyed with a good friend. :)
Thanks, Marcia! I appreciate the pep talk. That's why I blog and that's why I am so happy to have met my friends in the writing groups. You UNDERSTAND and know how to shove my ass back out there again. Let me know when you're in the area. Love to see you again sometime this century. :P
Thanks, Karen! Yeah, it does still make me a writer despite not being published. I just need to pick myself up, get a cocktail in hand, and face the revisions head on.
Maybe in a cute superheroes outfit ...hmmm???
*waving back at Karen C*
I'll be in Richmond, VA the last weekend of April, if you need someone to push you down Submission Run. Does that help? ;-)
Marcia,
I might be away that weekend with some friends. But I'll keep that in mind. Even though Richmond is about a 2 hour drive from here. It's a lot closer than North Carolina. Also, my house is open if you ever need some research in DC. :)
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