Avoidance

So maybe I've been avoiding blogging because I haven't gotten it right, yet. My rewrite on my first chapter. I got 5 pages written and keep wondering if that's where the scene is supposed to begin. Ugh! So I've resigned myself to making my husband's corrections to the latter part of the story until the first chapter comes back to me. Oh, I had it, but lost it somehow. Maybe it was the idea of rewriting—once again—that has my brain building up a wall of defense. So frustrating.

Well, I did go to the WRW workshop this past weekend on Voice. Kathleen Gilles Seidel gave the class and did an excellent job. She stressed writing about what fascinates us and we feel passionate about. We did a bunch of exercises based on questions like "what do you want to know more about" and "what places do you love and what matters most about them." Whenever someone answered, she tried to get the person to dig deeper. When we talked about things that had annoyed us this week, she asked that we reflect on why it made us angry. If someone cut us off in traffic, it's not just that they cut us off. There's a whole slew of issues like disrepect, taking our lives for granted, frightening us, etc., that are behind why we were upset by that action. They were great exercises and really helped people focus.

I ate lunch with some fellow writers and it felt good to talk shop with people who understand what I'm going through. I hope to see some of them again at the retreat. WRW is a wonderful group of writers!

Motivation

And I'm not talking about my motivation to write and get this story finished. No, I'm more than motivated. In fact, I've had several sleepless nights because I'm obsessed with getting this right and I spent this past weekend working virtually the whole time on writing a more captivating beginning. Then Monday, I checked over what I wrote and ... bang ... I realized there's no flippin' way my characters would allow that to happen.

When I first wrote the beginning I had a vague idea of my characters. (I'm a pantser, so I don't plot it out beforehand, until I start getting deeper into the story.) It was like meeting someone at a party and having a 15 minute conversation. Based on the way they dress, speak, and carry themselves and on what kind of job they have, you start to formulate a personality for them. You start to assume what kind of person they are. Then the next time you meet them, they tell you something else about themselves that draws you into a deeper understand of who they really are. Maybe they aren't as superficial as you first thought. Maybe they aren't as together as you first believed. That's what happend with my characters. I got to know them better. And they were yelling at me loud and clear: "there's no way I'd do that."

After discussing it with Mike and waking up at 4 am with the new dialogue and scene running through my mind, I got it. I just have to write it. I guess this is why other authors have said, "don't get attached to your writing." Otherwise, you'd never scrap days of work when you know it just doesn't work. When I think about spending about 8 hours this weekend, working and reworking the beginning, it makes me totally depressed. But I needed to do it to get to this point. I needed to spend more time with my characters so they wouldn't be so ticked at me for making them do something they would never allow—something out of character. I was able to look at the scene anew and ask "What would motivate my characters to do that?"

I was a Golden Heart judge this year for RWA. Nearly every story I judged had the main flaw of character motivation. It can really put a damper on the story and turn good writing sour. Some of the stories had potential and the writing was decent. However, I couldn't believe that their characters would put themselves in those situations, and I couldn't buy the story. If a reader can't make the leap of faith that your characters will do X,Y,Z then they can't relate to them. And you lost your reader.

I know this will work. I have a nervous flittering my stomach—writer's intuition—that this is how it would really go down. I'm itching to write it. I can't wait to get my work out of the way so I can just concentrate on this scene and bang it out.

Wish me luck.

A Little Help From My Friends

One of my goals this year is to once every two weeks touch base with one of my friends and check in. There are many with whom I talk on a weekly basis, but I have others in Baltimore (my hometown) and throughout the country whom I miss. It is tough when you live far from one another that you get so wrapped up in the here and now. Case in point, my friend Kristin.

She was a friend from college and we'd kept in touch for the past 10 years. Talking, e-mailing, sending letters at least once a year. We played phone tag at the end of last year. I kept getting caught up in life stuff and would forget to call back until weeks later and so on and so forth. Well, we finally got in touch last week, and she told me that she had cancer last year. I couldn't believe it. She was always so healthy. She even joked with me about how easy her pregnancies and deliveries were. (I asked if she'd carry my kids, whenever that happens, but I think her price is a little steep.) The cancer started in her tailbone and moved to her hip. By the time the doctors stopped giving her the runaround and claiming she was being neurotic because it was just arthritis or a slipped disk causing her pain, the cancer had spread to her right hip. She was fortunate that she only had to get part of it replaced. When they finally did x-rays (because they misdiagnosed her problem, they didn't believe she needed x-rays), they found spots on her lungs and on lymph nodes behind her intestines. She was out of work for months, endured chemo and physical therapy, and needed to walk with a cane. She's recovering now and her type of cancer responded well to chemo, so it's in remission.

Moral of the story: Make time for those you care about.

Yes, it's important for me to succeed in writing and my career. And I know time is an expensive commodity. But good friends and relationships are irreplaceable. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for those who supported me and helped me believe in myself.

Fail and Fail Again Until You Succeed

Last night Mike and I spent an amazing evening at the Baltimore School for the Arts. He is a member of YEO (young entrepreneurs organization), which is a tier down from the YPO (young professionals organization) who sponsored the "Be a Student" night. He was particularly excited because he had graduated from School for the Arts (for fine art) nearly 20 years ago. And I have to say that I have renewed respect for my husband after seeing the rigorous curriculum in which the students are challenged and thrive. The day is longer for these students than average high schoolers. It starts at 8:30 am and goes until 4:10 pm everyday. Plus, many of the students stay later to practice. These teenagers put me to shame with their dedication to their art. For those not familiar, BSFA is a public school that teaches fine art, dance, music (singing and instruments), and drama. (Think of the movie Fame.) Famous students that went to school with Mike are Jada Pinkett and Tupac Shakur (though he left midway through school).

Students performed for our group and I was blown away by their professionalism and talent. Two seniors performed an operatic piece that brought tears to my eyes. The dancers were so lean, yet muscular, and their moves were so fluid. It took my breath away. The dance class had started out with about 22 students. By the senior class, they were down to just 11 because of the intensity of the training. Mike had only 11 people in his entire graduating class. At the end of every year the students have to audition again either via portfolio (for art) or perform to be accepted again. Those who are not dedicated and have not advanced in their art are not allowed back. Plus, these students must retain good academic scores. Unbelievable!

Because Mike has done so well with his education, they want him to come back and speak to the students and even be part of their promotional film for the school. He was so excited to give back, since he attributes most of his success to that school.

When the dance instructor introduced her students, she explained how hard it was to make it at the school and she said,

"The students learn that they have to fail and fail and fail again before they can succeed."

If you want to learn more about the school check out this link. They really make a difference in so many people's lives. They are a state run school, so it is no tuition, enabling kids from all walks of life go there. But they rely on private donations for supplies and right now they are expanding the school.

Fun Time

I've been making some headway on the first chapter rewrite. My husband is presenting his workshop on graphics tonight so I'll be home by myself and able to catch up on bunches of stuff.

I sent my retreat application for the WRW retreat in Harper's Ferry. I sent it overnight, so I should be good to go (fingers crossed), since slots fill up quickly. The very talented Karmela Johnson will be rooming with me. (I don't snore though I do take too long in the bathroom at times. It's hard to maintain my natural beauty. Ha!) It should be lots of fun and a great learning experience. My creative energy gets an extra zap whenever I'm around other people who share my love of writing. It is really inspiring. Plus, there will be editors and agents in attendance to which I hope to pitch Dark Earth. Yeah!

I wanted give a shout out to Sybir and also kick her butt (because I'm having trouble putting it down to do actual work) for recommending Kesley Cole's A Hunger Like No Other. Sexy from the very first chapter with an intensity in the hero that is hard to resist even if he's one of those controlling alpha males. The heroine at this point is not KB and is a self-admitted coward. But she's growing and coming into her own and by the end of the book (at least according to the summary) she's supposed to come into her own powers, so I can deal with her weakness. Plus, she's sarcastic at times, which I like. Cole has created a whole mythology of werewolves, vampires, demons, wraiths, ghouls, witches, even Valkyrie which is the first time I've ever seen them in a paranormal romance. They're maiden warriors who have cried out to the gods for courage with their dying breath and have been gifted with immortality by those gods for their courage. Really cool stuff. Totally wish I would've thought of that! But at least I get to enjoy reading it.

Okay, back to reading ... I mean ... back to work.

It Never Ends

Even though I finally wrote the end to Dark Earth, does that mean I'm finished? As in put to bed, end of story, finis, yadda yadda?

Of course not.

Especially when your ending causes a backward ripple effect. So I'm reworking the beginning. Just the first chapter. I reread and, as others have suggested, it really needs to pull in the reader more. When I read my later chapters, there's much more urgency and flow to my story that's lost in the beginning. With that said, as I'm doing my husband's edits, I'm also doing a clean sweep and pruning extraneous descriptions. Hopefully, this will help as well.

Last night I was trying to read but my husband had on a comedian from Comedy Central. He was so hilarious that I couldn't tune him out. His name is Dimitri Martin. He is in the same vein as the late and great Mitch Hedberg. He does a lot of word play and quarky observational humor, which I absolutely love. The one that pulled me out of my book went something like this:

I was in a clothing store and this woman said to me, "My name is Jill, if you need anything." "Wow," I replied. "I never met someone with a conditional name before. What do I call you if I don't need anything?"

Now, back to work! No more TV tonight. Ugh!

Revisions, Revisions

Well, my husband read over the last section of the book and found a few things. Nothing major like scrap the whole thing (thank God!), but just questions concerning charcter actions and, since he's a science buff, a few suggestions about how to deal with the more ... well ... scientific aspects of the story. Overall he really loved it. And it was a compliment to me that he read half the story in just two days, since he doesn't read fiction stories and is a slow reader. I tried to make the story fast paced and I suceeded in that regard. I'll take this next week to make his corrections then it's off to make the rounds to my other readers. I've learned a lot with writing this story and I'm certain my next one will be even better for it.

Also, I need to stop watching so much damn TV. Especially that reality crap! When I was PMS-ing this week and knocked down with cramps, I watched a show call High Maintenance 90210. If I ever have my portrait painted on the bottom of my pool (when I get a pool), my friends have permission to thoroughly slap me. Favorite reality clip quote:

"Don't you interrupt my prayers or else God may direct me to whoop your ass."

Ah, why am I writing fiction?

Writing Goals

So the New Year has me starting a new goals' list. I accomplished most on my list last year, so I'm hoping for at least a grand slam on this year's.

1. Finish polishing Dark Earth and start making the rounds with agents and editors.
2. Finish my second WIP which is a superhero romance. Should be a lot of fun.
3. Catch up on my reading. Start with at least one book every two weeks. (I'm not a fast reader.)
4. Sell the rest of my husband's Billion Dollar Graphics books in inventory. We've sold about half already which is a phenomenal feat since we have a zero marketing budget.
5. Attend at least 4 workshops this year given by my local RWA chapter and attend at least one writer's conference.
6. Make time for Nano this year.
7. Don't give up on my dream of being a published writer.

I have a more thorough list but it contains boring stuffs like lose 10 more lbs by end of year. (Thanks to Sybir's inspiration I lost the 10 from last year and been able to keep it off. Yeah!)

Anyone else have a goal's list? Remember to keep it posted where you can see it constantly and know if you're on track. Last year was the first time I'd ever written down my goals. It was like having directions to a place I've never been before. I could keep my focus on the road and not worry about getting lost.

Finished

I finished writing the end of Dark Earth. Yippee! Now, I just need to reread what I wrote, add a few more descriptions, and then hand it to hubby to give the okay. Next I have a ton of edits based on hubby's comments then I will give it to a critique partner who laughed at me when I said I'd have it to her by Friday. (Yeah, I'm talking to you Sybir!) :p

Unfortunately, she knows me too well. But with my man out of town for two days, I think it's totally possible. Ha!

Now that my site is finally back up, I'll be posting again and this time regularly. Next, I have my goal list. If I put up here for all to see then everyone can hold me accountable.

I'll leave you with a quote from the character Stewie of Family Guy. Whenever I start slacking off, I hear his voice in my head asking his dog Brian about his novel. It just hits too close to home:

Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.

Testing again

1,2,3 once more with feeling.

testing

1,2,3